When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
