I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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