I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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