a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
