I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
false alarm. still invincible.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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