Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
