The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
