am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
