My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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