And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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