she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
