I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
