I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
