Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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