Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
