are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
