Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dick very happy bro
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
