please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
