Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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