I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
