I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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