Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
