I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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