um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
