I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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