So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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