i don't like sucking hair
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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