I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
