Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
