so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
