I have demons in me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
