She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
