you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
