saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
