So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
