one might say we're banned from that church
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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