I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
