Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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