you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
