census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The power of my boobs compel you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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