his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
