Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
