meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
