she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
