Your favorite bartender is back from prision
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
