I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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