Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
