I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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