A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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