so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
